It seems I am not a frequent blogger. My hope is to become more prolific.Since February, I have been wrestling with a health issue – a routine mammogram revealed a weird something on the right side, further study led to an MRI of both breasts, and the result was I had each breast biopsied in late March. The right was no big deal. The left was cancer. Small, in fact, without the MRI, it would still be in there quietly growing and I would know nothing about it.
After a biopsy and a trip to Dana Farber, a plan developed — lumpectomy (DONE), radiation treatment (just begun this week) to be followed by long term systemic treatment with a hormone suppressing drug. One of the Aromatase drugs. The good news is: Stage 1, no lymph node involvement, non-aggressive type of cancer. As stressful as this has been, I am actually very grateful that it has turned out this way – as these things go, this is a pretty hopeful scenario, and I expect to be fine.
Still, a cancer diagnosis is just that, a cancer diagnosis, with all the historical baggage attached. So in the most recent meeting of the Spiritual Alchemy group (a wonderful circle of women), I wrote the following piece in response to our discussion and reading Mary Reynolds Thompson’s book, Reclaiming the Wild Soul: How Earth’s Landscapes Restore Us to Wholeness. We were looking at the Deserts section, and the topic was “Impermanence”.
May 10, 2017 – Letter from me at the end of my life to me NOW: (feels channeled)
You’ve arrived at a crossroads. A turning point -life after a cancer diagnosis is never the same as it was before. Take this opportunity to refine your resilience, hone your optimism and use your voice in service of your own well being.
This journey through illness, treatment and recovery is one that will strengthen you if you allow it. Soon you will enter the artificial desert of radiation treatment and your breast will be parched, maybe burned. You will have to take care of your skin during this time, but you will also have to care for your soul. Choose to view this time as an initiation, a rite of passage into a different way of being.
Now that your cell walls have been breached by cancer, you are given the chance to claim your body. To treat it well. To provide proper nourishment and movement. This brush with death is your doorway to living in your body in ways you have not yet done in this lifetime.
As you begin to inhabit and care for your body, you notice the ripped places in your soul re-knit themselves. As you honor your needs, your energy, your timetable, you will find that you are more productive and creative than before.
Take this opportunity. Make the most of it. It will teach you about gratitude, compassion, connection and humility. If you can fully absorb the lessons you will resonate these qualities from your deepest being and you will come to know congruence between inner and outer.
Do not allow yourself to be dismayed, derailed or discouraged by the negativity of others. Simply remove yourself from negative energy when it emerges. It cannot harm you if you do not absorb it. Try to remember that negativity comes from fear and the only way to truly protect yourself from it is to remain rooted in love.
If you can remain grounded in love and light, you will be protected. Learn to recognize how fear tries to filter in between the door and the door frame, how it can seep through any cracks. Stand your ground with both feet firmly resting on a base of compassion and mercy.
As you project this energy into the universe, so will it be returned to you tenfold.