How far is your reach?

When I went to my first International Women’s Writing Guild Conference in 1997, I went to Jan Phillips’ workshop. She posed a series of questions, including “How far is your reach?”.  In 1999, shortly after I published my first book of poetry, Sailing on Spirit Wind, I discovered that my reach was further than I ever dreamed. Somewhere, in a court transcription file in South Dakota, my poem, “The Rape” rests.

Here’s how it went.  I self-published the book, a collection mostly of poetry, and a few essays, in 1998.  My mother, always supportive of my work, paid for the printing. I gave her 100 copies, which she distributed to her large circle of friends.

One of my mom’s friend, Jean*, who lived in Delaware, had a daughter (Beth*) and granddaughter living South Dakota. Jean’s granddaughter was gang raped as a teen, chose to report it, and the rapists were arrested. There was a trial. They were convicted. There were opportunities for victim impact statements at the sentencing. Jean had given Beth a copy of my book, which contained the only poem I had written about my rape experience. Beth stood up in court, at the sentencing of her 17-year-old daughter’s rapists and read my poem “The Rape” as part of the victim impact statement. 

I write about the hard things, the unspeakable things I have lived through: Because I am not the only one. Because there are others out there who have not been able to find their own voices yet to tell their stories. Because I want my words to open the door to and let some light in to these dark places, in the service of healing.

And this is why, after 50 years (I was raped in July of 1968) I put together a collection of poems, After, telling what I experienced growing up female in America in the 1960’s.  In 1968, there were no resources for rape survivors. Most of us dealt with the aftermath alone and in silence.  Now there are rape crisis hotlines and agencies. Now there are domestic violence shelters. Now there is, thank Goddess, the MeToo movement.  In 2019, rape, incest, assault, harassment – these crimes against women’s bodies and spirits are spoken about, but as recent events show, women can still be vilified when they speak up. I know that women are not the only people suffering from crimes related to misuse of power.  I know we still have a long way to go.

I want my words to wake up those who don’t yet know what these events do to people. I want my words to reach out and hold survivors; let them know that they don’t have to be victims, that they are not “damaged goods”, I want all survivors to know that they have options, choices, support. I want them to find their voices, to know that they can heal.

I write about what happened to me and how I healed because I want to put my words out there to do what good they can in this broken world.  And I know that if I don’t tell my stories, I will never know how far my reach might be.

*NOTE: “Jean” and “Beth” are pseudonyms used to protect anonymity.